![\"roadrage\"](\"https:\/\/cheatingbulldogs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/08\/roadrage-300x225.jpg\" "\\"roadrage\\"")
<\/p>\nIs there anything worse than being on a 1-lane highway? Up until now you\u2019ve been cruising down a two lane divided, people are moving at a decent pace. Maybe you\u2019re in a hurry, maybe you\u2019re not, but you\u2019ll get there reasonably close to when you expected. Then you lose a lane\u2026
\nInstantly, every 5th driver around you turns into a moron and an annoyance. We\u2019ve all been there, and you know any kind of predictability for arrival time goes out the window. This isn\u2019t the biggest issue if you\u2019re heading out just to take a sightseeing drive, but when (like me) you\u2019re trying to catch a ferry it becomes problematic.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Know Your Obstacles:<\/p>\n
1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The Sunday Driver: Only drives their car over to town a couple times a week. Doesn\u2019t understand that the car can go faster than 50km\/h (31ish mph) despite being in an 80 or 100 zone.<\/p>\n
2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Old Man in a Hat: Similar to the Sunday driver but will often go a bit faster. Unfortunately he brakes for almost anything (including sunshine) and takes forever to get back up to that speed. Also changes lanes at a pace more appropriate to an oil tanker.<\/p>\n
3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nervous Nellie: Possibly a new driver, but just as likely not, they\u2019re nervous about everything. Likely a city driver that doesn\u2019t often get on the highway. The key symptom on a 1 lane each way undivided is that they flinch every time a car comes the other way.\u00a0 This often leads to them slowing down, or even more dangerously actively slamming on the brakes anytime an opposite direction car passes. Particularly annoying (and dangerous) at night when their nervousness climbs into panic and no matter how far back you stay you\u2019ll still risk hitting them.<\/p>\n
4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Captain Curvaphobic: Some of the most frustrating people to try to pass, this type is absolutely terrified of even the slightest bend or curve in the road.\u00a0 The moment the road turns from a straight line he\u2019ll drop his speed by 15-20 km\/h. Those of us who like to use our cruise control find them absolutely infuriating. What\u2019s worse is the moment you\u2019re back on a straight section of road where you can actually pass, he\u2019ll accelerate again and make it difficult.<\/p>\n
5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Shepherd and his Sheep: The Shepherd is likely one of the above types who has gathered 5-10 sheep who are too nervous to try to pass him, but are sticking so close together than someone who comes up from behind needs to pass the entire herd at once or becomes part of it and exacerbates the problem. Most of the time periodic passing lanes can break this up, but this part of Ontario doesn\u2019t seem to believe in them.
\na.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Likely Driving: Everything under the sun.<\/p>\n
6.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Trailer Tom: Usually a pretty similar situation as the shepherd. Often slow because they\u2019re pulling a large trailer with a ridiculously underpowered light SUV or Minivan or even worse a car (enjoy the yearly transmission replacement morons.) The sheep in this case find it harder to pass since the two vehicle train is longer to pass. I\u2019m not as anti-caravan as the Top Gear guys (I quite enjoy camping) but come on, if you\u2019re planning to pull one buy something with the power train that can handle it.<\/p>\n
7.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The Explorer: We\u2019ve all seen this guy in town too, usually a tourist trying to find a specific street and slowing\/stopping at every intersection trying to read street signs. On this kind of highway he\u2019s the guy who either can\u2019t read a map or simply can\u2019t remember a road number. Everytime you pass a sign indicating an upcoming turnoff or split he\u2019ll be slowing and swerving as he tries to read a map and drive at the same time. In some cases he\u2019ll do this for hours, apparently so bad at reading maps that he can\u2019t even tell that he\u2019s not even in the ballpark of his exit yet. Why people can\u2019t print off a google map or make a quick sequential list of the Highways\/Roads\/Exits they\u2019ll before I they leave on a trip to an unfamiliar area I\u2019ll never understand.<\/p>\n
8.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The Big Heavy Truck: You\u2019re driving down one of these roads and off in the distance is a farmyard or gas station with a soul crushing sight. Waiting to exit: a massive double load tractor trailer. You hope and pray that it\u2019s either turning left, or that the traffic flow is constant enough in front of you to not let it in. Of course it won\u2019t be, and you\u2019ll find yourself slowed to a crawl as this behemoth struggles to make it up to 50 then takes another five minutes to get to 85. God help you if this is a hilly road, because this truck is so full of anvils, tungsten or cows that it has to slip into a crawler gear and put on blinkers to climb. Soon there will be a train of 30 cars behind you, but none of you will be able to pass because a stadium parking lot worth of cars will suddenly be travelling the other way at perfect intervals, except when there\u2019s a double yellow line.<\/p>\n
9.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The \u201cI have an expensive car that obviously has cruise control but I\u2019m not using it and driving you to madness\u201d: Maybe it\u2019s just me, but I see these guys all the time.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be driving down the road at 105km\/h or whatever and come up behind one of these guys. Prepping to pass, you\u2019ll suddenly find them pulling away from you, so you re-engage cruise and relax again. Suddenly around the next bend you\u2019ll be up near their bumper again, whatever cell phone call they\u2019re on having distracted them into slowing down. This time you decide, screw it I\u2019ll pass them so I can just stay cruising. No luck, they\u2019ll pass you back a few minutes later.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t understand why it\u2019s so much to ask for me to be able to put on my cruise control and enjoy the drive. If you aren\u2019t comfortable driving on the highway, take a bus\u2026 the greyhound network here in Southern Ontario is reasonably good and likely wouldn\u2019t put you into a stress induced early grave. My personal pet peeve though is the last type, mostly because there often seems to be active malice behind their actions as opposed to the just general stupidity of the other offenders. I\u2019m not actively pushing for a death race 200 style combat\/point system\u2026or maybe I am?<\/p>\n
![\"dr2000\"](\"https:\/\/cheatingbulldogs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/08\/dr2000.jpg\" "\\"dr2000\\"")
<\/p>\n
How about?<\/p>\n
We can of course add on the pedestrian scoring system from DR2000<\/p>\n
Hmmm, I think we\u2019re on to something here. Now I just need to come up with a terrible nickname, a fun modding\/paint scheme for my Mazda3 along with an alluring female navigator for the nude group massage scene.<\/p>\n
A man can dream\u2026<\/p>\n
-Toast<\/p>\n
![\"product-preview-adult-toaster-large\"](\"https:\/\/cheatingbulldogs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/08\/product-preview-adult-toaster-large-224x300.gif\" "\\"product-preview-adult-toaster-large\\"")