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Awesomely terrible death scenes…

12 March 2009
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Categories: Movies

The topic of terrible cinematic death scenes came up on Twitter today (I believe originally to me via Bill Corbett) and this glorious gem was posted.

http://www.cinematical.com/2009/03/06/discuss-worst-death-scene-ever/

As you gather your wits after that stupidity, I’d like to ask… What are your favorite incredibly stupid but really funny as a result death scenes from movies? There’s a fine line between something like the previous which seems (I hope) to be tongue in cheek but still within the plot of the movie over to something that’s totally meant as comedy. 

A few personal favorites:

Not truly cinematic, but the return of the helicopter from the television show E.R. A few years after he loses his arm to a helicopter tail rotor, Dr. Robert Romano is killed by another helicopter falling off the roof and onto his head. It’s so incredibly over the top dumb yet awesome.

Troll 2: Almost any death in this movie is incredibly drawn out and stupid, but the ones where they turn into liquified green goo are especially horrid. Staying within the MST3K/Rifftrax genre gives us a bunch of other options of course. Every single railing death in Space Mutiny would be a candidate, Torgo’s “erotic” massage in Manos and so on. They’re almost too easy as targets though… here’s a nice compilation of the ultra cheesy.

Welsey Snipes final passing in demolition man (which was so incredibly telegraphed) …

Bond killing Blofeld in Never Say Never Again by dropping him down the smokestack was so over the top stupid yet undoubtedly entertaining.

What would your choice be?

You know, Heath was great and all but…

23 February 2009
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Categories: Comics, Rant...

If I have to hear one more newscast or oscar synopsis about how he “turned a comic book character into a psychopathic monster” (and other comments about how he apparently singlehandedly came up with his performance) I’m going to cry.

 

I’m sorry Mr. or Ms. copywriter or reporter or whatnot that your only experience with the Joker character appears to be from Adam West’s camp-o-rama batstravaganza but perhaps you should do some research. Without even diving into the books we can look at Nicholson’s performance… a very different Joker but with a similar psychotic malevolence. Jack and Heath are doing the same character… albeit as shaded by the very different Gotham’s imagined by Tim Burton and Chris Nolan. (For the record I enjoyed TDK but I despised Batman Begins, but that’s a whole other argument)

 

If we dive into the books we can find many instances of an even crueler and vicious Joker. I see Ledger’s character as having a slight glimmer of self control left, almost invisible… many of the books have the Joker fast past that point.

 

I’m glad he won his Oscar as it was a great performance for a fairly good movie that a ton of people saw. Hopefully a few of the people that tuned in to the Oscars to see that moment also saw a few other movies that tempted them. And speaking of Jack… where the hell was he, internet rumour seems divided on whether he snubbed presenting an oscar and was in turn snubbed by the cameras or if he’s sick?

30 Rock – St. Valentine’s Day

13 February 2009
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Categories: Television

As the follow up to the brilliant “Generalissimo” from last week, “St. Valentine’s Day” had a lot to live up to. While it didn’t quite hit that high water mark it still managed to make me nearly do a spit take a few times.

Liz and her hot-as-a-cartoon-pilot new flame Dr. Baird (Jon Hamm from Mad Men) end up having their first date on Valentine’s day, and what starts as awkward takes leaps and bounds into disaster area as accidental boob spillage, twosie seeing and family neuroses ensue. Our heroine and her new beau decide to embrace the trainwreck and try to get everything bad out of the way on the first date… thus far it works and we save the inevitable lemon-implosion for another episode.

Meanwhile in TGS-land, Frank’s one line of the episode hands off responsibility for a new blind NBC employee to Kenneth, who instantly falls in love and is speechless (I loved Tracy’s throwaway joke about Dotcom’s first meeting with Grizz’s Fiancée). Tracy plays a Cyrano of sorts, filling in the words he imagines Kenneth would say: “Yes indeedy corncobs!” After not seeing TJ’s crew for a bit Dotcom had some great moments tonight (he speaks french!) Needless to say, Ken does not end up getting the girl. Blind girl asks to feel is face and when she gets to his chin (or lack thereof), she beats a hasty retreat… ouch…

Salma Hayek continues her guest run this week with her nurse Elisa having issues with her catholicism and Jack’s very intense lack thereof. When forced to take confession rather than go eat a $1000 dessert, he manages to send the priest crying for backup. Priceless, as were the McFlurry jokes though I can’t imagine what McDonald’s must have paid for that.  I honestly don’t think Elisa’s hardcore religiousness out of nowhere was very believeable, but it did make for some great jokes, including Liz’s “If I had those knockers, I’d thank god too.”  I think we all should thank god for Salma Hayek’s breasts personally.

As a rule I’m not a huge fan of the episodes where A B and C stories are more or less completely separate, but the pacing and gags in this one made it work pretty well.  Jane only had one bit this episode but it was priceless as, after Tracy introduces her as Michael McDonald, she proceeds to butcher McDonald’s horrid over the top schmaltz.  I still find myself hoping we can go back to the writer’s room a bit, I miss Twofer and Ceri and more Frank…  We especially need more Pete, is Scott Adsit off doing something else? I thought Morel Orel was done with.

Favorite Line of this episode:  “The Patron Saint of Judgemental Statues”

A solid A- episode with some great moments.

<3 Aaron Sorkin so damned much.

25 September 2008
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Categories: Things Toast cares about...

Despite the somewhat shaky nature of Studio 60 and the what happened to the West Wing when he got all coked up and had to leave… I love Aaron Sorkin. He’s probably my favorite Hollywood writer and the sheer force of oratory that he can write for his characters can leave me weak in my knees.

Recently as part of an interview (with the New York Times I believe, but they charge to read their archives so I can’t read the whole thing) Sorkin gave us a glimpse of how he thinks President Josiah Bartlet would knock some sense into Barrack Obama.

Here’s a choice excerpt:

BARTLET:  GET ANGRIER! Call them liars, because that’s what they are. Sarah Palin didn’t say “thanks but no thanks” to the Bridge to Nowhere. She just said “Thanks.” You were raised by a single mother on food stamps — where does a guy with eight houses who was legacied into Annapolis get off calling you an elitist? And by the way, if you do nothing else, take that word back. Elite is a good word, it means well above average. I’d ask them what their problem is with excellence. While you’re at it, I want the word “patriot” back. McCain can say that the transcendent issue of our time is the spread of Islamic fanaticism or he can choose a running mate who doesn’t know the Bush doctrine from the Monroe Doctrine, but he can’t do both at the same time and call it patriotic. They have to lie — the truth isn’t their friend right now. Get angry. Mock them mercilessly; they’ve earned it. McCain decried agents of intolerance, then chose a running mate who had to ask if she was allowed to ban books from a public library. It’s not bad enough she thinks the planet Earth was created in six days 6,000 years ago complete with a man, a woman and a talking snake, she wants schools to teach the rest of our kids to deny geology, anthropology, archaeology and common sense too? It’s not bad enough she’s forcing her own daughter into a loveless marriage to a teenage hood, she wants the rest of us to guide our daughters in that direction too? It’s not enough that a woman shouldn’t have the right to choose, it should be the law of the land that she has to carry and deliver her rapist’s baby too? I don’t know whether or not Governor Palin has the tenacity of a pit bull, but I know for sure she’s got the qualifications of one. And you’re worried about seeming angry? You could eat their lunch, make them cry and tell their mamas about it and God himself would call it restrained. There are times when you are simply required to be impolite. There are times when condescension is called for!

God… this says what I want to perfectly that I’ll just leave it at that, except to say this. If you’re a woman, and you vote republican simply because of Sarah Palin, you are a moron. You’d vote for a woman who doesn’t believe in any real feminist issues and in fact wants to overturn Roe v. Wade and believes that abstinence only should still be taught in schools (nevermind that her daughter got knocked up.) Hillary was a self serving wench who got closer to getting the nomination than she had a right to. Having a man of colour in the oval office is at the very least equally as important as having a woman there. Don’t sacrifice your beliefs just to have a woman there. Wait til next time and a solid viable candidate (Nancy Pelosi maybe?,) because Joe Biden won’t get the nomination even if Obama goes 2 terms.

For funsies I recommend you check out Sarah Haskins over at the current… her consistently awesome Target Women segment did a Sarah Palin profile.

The World Series of Donkey Liquification

10 July 2008
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Categories: Poker

I hope everyone who enjoys poker has been following the World Series of Poker the past few weeks. I have no doubt the ESPN coverage will start appearing on TV as soon as they can finish editing it but it’s entertaining to follow along online as it happens. ESPN will never let you know the behind the scenes stories and the less “TV friendly” moments.

So far this year has been “the year of the pro” with professionals taking home a large percentage of the 50+ WSOP bracelets but now it’s Main Event time. For those less than familiar with the WSOP the Main Event is a $10k NLHE tourney (Translation: No Limit Texas Hold’Em with a $10,000 buy-in to play.) This is the event Chris Moneymaker won not so long ago that set off this whole poker extravaganza. It’s the event that ESPN loves to make hay out of and it’s an event with a pretty incredible payout pool.

Over 6800 people started in the main event (and yes, that means there is $68 MILLION in play minus the rake) and after two days 1308 remain. To put that in perspective, somewhere around 1/3 of the total prize money for all 55 WSOP events is in play for just the Main Event. First place will take home just over $9.1 million dollars and just making the final table guarantees you just short of a million. 666 degenerate sinners will cash and make at least double their money back.

A lot of discussion has ensued this year about the downturn in poker and how the organizers had to scrape by last years entrant number by the skin of their teeth. I still maintain that between the government stupidity in the states and the fact that it’s now been a few years since Moneymaker even seeing a moderately significant downturn would have been pretty amazing. Sadly I’ve come to accept that by the time I have 10k to throw away just to say I’ve played in the Main Event we’ll likely be back down to less amazing numbers but it’ll still be one hell of an experience. $1,500 NLHE or something? Definitely in the next few years. It may be stupid, but a nice payday and a Mr. T bracelet would be awfully nice.

Stupidly enough though, the WSOP has decided to delay the final table five months until sometime in November. One can only imagine the backdoor wheeling and dealing that can (and will) happen during that layoff. I missed whatever explanation they had for it but I certainly find it frustrating… I can only imagine what it’ll be like for those actually sitting there.

If you’re interested in following along a good first step is Poker News and you should definitely visit the The Tao of Poker with Dr. Pauly for a more behind the scenes view. One should be aware that the WSOP started at the end of may and some of these folks have been sweating the entire things with at most a couple of days off. The tone of the writing tends to get a little… darker… towards the end of things.

Apologies for any site wonkyness, had to rebuild it right before leaving.

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