The Bulldogs are Cheating

Stupidity

Viva la Cuba Libre (y viva Mojitos)

31 March 2015
Toast
No comments
Categories: Travel

varadero

Cuba is an odd place. It’s a land of sun and sand but also a land of rules and regulations. It’s a curious mix of backwards and forwards, of old and older and of sudden hints at rejuvenation. There’s an air of anticipation (and indeed some fear) at the thought of another impending American invasion. While this one may bring investment and renewal many wonder if Cuba will ever really be the same again. This travelogue encompasses my impressions as a first time visitor (and longtime travel junkie,) some contrast/comparisons from others as well as a pretty lengthy diatribe against Sunwing Vacations with whom I hope to never travel again (part of the reason for the delay on posting this is my ongoing complaint submission with them.)

Arriving in Cuba is a different experience than most other holiday destinations we Canadians seem to frequent. It was dark when we arrived but even seen through the window of our 737 the airport looked very old/communist derived to me. It reminded me strongly of some of the train stations I’d visited in eastern Europe, and impression only reinforced once we’d deplaned and gone inside. Thanks to Sunwing’s ludicrously tight flight scheduling we arrived fairly late into Varadero itself. We deplaned to the tarmac then walked across, up two flights stairs and across a jetway into the terminal only to go back downstairs. (I’d originally thought that because we were late our jetway was in use, but in fact when departing we left from one that wasn’t in use when we arrived.) The warsaw pact vibe was reinforced inside as we passed a number of revolutionary slogan posters before even reaching the arrival hall.

Unfortunately (thanks Sunwing!)  our late arrival (and I suspect that of another large plane) made the arrivals hall into a packed cattle yard. You know the queue system(s) most sensible airports have to ensure immigration control moves along at a reasonable and fair pace? Not so much here. Let me paint you a picture…

You arrive at the bottom of a flight of stairs, to your left and right stretch a guide rope parcelling off the front section of floor for some unknown purpose. On the other side in the distance is a wall made up of individual customs booths. In front of each booth opening stretches a line of 50+ weary looking tourists. It’s instantly clear that the line is moving at a snail’s pace and indeed many people are sitting on their suitcases and fanning themselves (it may be midnight local time but this is a huge mass of people and there are no air conditioners.)

Back home sitting at our gate we’d become aware of a very hilarious group of Portuguese people. There were at least five of them, all seemingly in the same family, all (I’d guess) over 50. They were loud. VERY loud. One particular seemed beyond bitchy and would begin violently gesticulating and shouting every few minutes. Even the normal conversation was at the volume you would expect from a three year old tearing around a McDonald’s play area. This became markedly less entertaining as they were seated near us in the plane and started up again. It became beyond tiresome as they ended up immediately behind us in the customs line. They simply did not shut up ever and the yelling grandma got increasingly shrill. As someone who speaks French and some Spanish I think I found it especially grating as I could understand words and phrases here and there but it was just on the edge of intelligibility to me. It took everything I had not to turn around and shout “INSIDE VOICES PLEASE” at them. Adding to their annoyance factor was the two women leading the group who seemed to feel that unless they were pressing right up against us the line wasn’t going to move. I lost count of the number of times I was smacked by the woman’s sharp tote bag and it eventually got to the point where I stuck out my elbow a little knowing that eventually  she’d smack her head on it… (sure enough.)

Before we’d left my mother had warned me that Cubans are big about obeying the rules and often had arbitrary and stupid ones. I got my first taste of this as we waited in line as some poor Quebecois had the gall to go to the restroom. Upon emerging he made to cut under the rope line and head back to his spot in line with his wife and child. You’d think he’d pulled out a gun based on the shriek he got from the people dressed like nurses who seemed to serve no purpose at all. He was called back, berated in Spanish and made to walk the twenty feet to the gap in the rope line, then back down as though it made any difference (as mentioned the rope seemed to merely define the area that wasn’t the bathroom area… he was in no way inconveniencing anyone.)

Inevitably we’d chosen the wrong line at customs (we always do) and the processing was taking eons. There was little signage and indeed no clue why some of the people we saw that go into the booths went in groups and some solo. It turns out that if you have dependent children or a senior in need of aid ONE adult can go with them. How you are supposed to know this I’m not certain. In the end we chose lines so poorly that not only did everyone (probably 60 people) in line before us move to other lines and get through first, but in fact we ended up among the last 10 people processed in the entire queue. Our customs lady was beyond bitchy. I get that you hate your job miss but don’t mumble into your chest as you type and expect me to hear you while  standing against the far wall so you can take my photo. I was yelled at for:

  1. Not hearing the initial mumbling
  2. Being too tall and not sliding down far enough for their shitty webcams to take a photo
  3. Daring to put my glasses back on after she’d clearly had enough time to take 5 photos

Eventually cleared I found myself in yet another queue, this time for a security style metal detector. I suspect this one is mostly focused on not bringing in military grade radios and sat phones (though a lot of the things people claim you can’t take are myths) but with the amount of attention they were paying to the screen I could have brought anything in. It was very clear this was the end of their shift and in fact I ended up having to call them back to actually move my bag out of the machine.

In the end by the time we were parked on the bus we were fully 3 hours behind where we were supposed to be. Half the bus had grabbed beers from the hawkers outside the door (at a ridiculous markup) and it was a boisterous crowd of unfunny drunks that pretended to listen to the tour guide spiel as we headed out to Varadero. The young university student giving the intro guide talk was kind of hilarious. Her English was quite decent but for whatever reason she’d obviously used the words “well so you know” as a memory phrase so as she finished each memorized paragraph she’d revert and every single new paragraph went something along the lines of: “Well, so, you know, the oil industry is very important in Cuba…” Unfortunately due to the hour my first impressions of Cuba (non-airport division) were of a few poorly lit towns, a few spots with waves crashing that promised great views in the morning  and stop after stop dropping people off at hotels that weren’t mine. In the end it was after 2 am when we finally staggered up to the front desk of our hotel and tried to check in only to hear some of the most dreaded words in travelling: “I can’t find your reservation…”

 

To be continued…

 

 

European Adventure: HOW MUCH IS A BIG MAC???

3 September 2011
Toast
No comments
Categories: Travel

The departure from Munich was a bit more exciting than I had planned. Doing my research the night before I’d found a handy train out of Munich to Interlaken with only one switchover. Unfortunately it wasn’t until I’d gotten my reservation at the station that I realized how tight the switch was, only 7 minutes. This was the German train system so I was reasonably optimistic at least. The first part of the journey had about 8 stops and I very carefully watched the clock as we hit each one exactly on time and left exactly on time. I started to relax (big mistake) and then about fifteen minutes later realized with slowly dawning horror that we were coming to a stop in the middle of nowhere. We sat here for about 10 minutes then went through the next tunnel at a pace that would have let an arthritic octogenarian pass us. Once we were out of the tunnel we spend back up to 150kph again but the damage was done.

Arriving at the crossover station there were about 10 of us dashing to the other platform on the off chance it hadn’t left. I got there first sighed at the lack of a train (who knows when the next one would be since this wasn’t a really major station) only to glance up at the status display and notice that it said 15 minutes late in German. I turned around to see each subsequent person run up, deflate then slowly realize and smile. Score one for luck.

Arriving in Interlaken was one of the prettier train rides I’ve ever taken as the last hour in particular of the journey is spectacular. Once you split off the main line it’s a narrow track mostly hugging the edge of the beautiful blue green lake with the swiss alps towering above. It’s instantly obvious why this is a favourite playground of the wealthy and the number of expensive yachts on the water at every turn was a good indicator. Pretty much everyone who’s been to both places has made comparisons to Banff in describing the place to me and it’s pretty apt. For one thing it’s a bluehair-bus mecca and there are also hordes of asian tourists. The tourbus kind were present, but the hostel was absolutely full of south Koreans as well. My one aussie roommate and I left in the morning just assuming our replacement roomies would be Korean and sure enough all four were.

Unfortunately roughly half of them were very much of the spoiled rich kid on a pre-college break paid for my mom and dad. If you’ve never run into that type in a hostel they’re a nightmare. The worst examples of them never do dishes, take over the room and behave as antisocially as a certain couple on my New Zealand trip when you have to share a room with them. As some of you probably guessed from my facebook updates, the particular offenders were a kid whodidn’t turn off his cell phone ringer and just let it chirp with incoming messages all night long (or rather he did until I turned it off for him around 3am)  as well as two of them who would consistently leave the door open whenever they left the room. Not a huge problem while we’re there as well, but you had to wonder if they’d be closing it if we weren’t there too. Enough griping though, overall it was a fantastic hostel. Basic breakfast provided, free coffee for those that drink it and ski and snowboard racks in the basement for the winter season (oh how I’d love to go back.) When I had to leave early my final morning the owner even pulled me a pre buttered breakfast pretzel thing from the freezer and told me it would be perfect thawed come morning (she was right, I ate it on the train.)

I spent the rest of the first day looking around town, buying some groceries for dinner (yikes, even that cost me what eating out would have in most of the countries I’ve been in lately even when I begrudgingly considered McDonalds to tide me over it was going to be $15 for a basic big mac combo) and in general just admiring the view in all directions. Most of the town is just perfectly charming old alpine buildings, and at pretty much every shop you can buy an authentic swiss army knife.  Interlaken is (as you might guess from the name) nestled in between two alpine lakes. In every direction there are beautiful mountains, green peaks closer to town but a few snow covered bigguns in the distance including the Eiger.

Interlaken also has an adventure sports scene and Chris and Jodi had really enjoyed the rafting so I signed up as well. Unfortunately school summer holidays (and uni I’m guessing) are over here so visitor numbers of younger people are down and my trip only had 3 people signed up with a minimum of 6 required. When I woke up the next morning I checked in and it was still only 3 so I resigned myself to finding something else to do. He gave me a bit of hope though telling me to check again in an hour. I actually happened to walk past the office for the place and found out that if rafting fell through I could do Canyoning instead which seemed fun but incredibly dangerous. Turns out that’s what I did and that’s certainly a good descriptor of it.

We’re talking mountain streams of course so it was going to be cold, we got our first hint as to just how cold when they kitted us out in a full weight combo of wetsuit overall AND a singlet suit over it. Water socks and neoprene booties, a climbing harness, life jacket and helmet. Most of the helmets had bizarre things written on them (mine was shaved), I ended up hanging out with Horny, Emo and Muffin. Once we were all trussed up they stuffed us into a van and trucked us up into the mountains. The views got even better up here as the narrow valley spread out below and we could see both lakes reflecting nearby peaks. Eventually we were dropped next to a narrow stream and were given a demonstration on how to walk through the rushing water (hint: Carefully) then how to flop properly onto our backs. Basically this involved throwing yourself out off a rock and landing flat on your back. This of course presents the maximum surface area as you hit the water and you slow down faster, helpful when jumping from 8 feet into foot and a half deep water but hardly the most sensible seeming thing the first few times you do it.

Once everyone had demonstrated the technique to one of our guides we set off down the stream. This is an activity that’s hard work, one moment you’re pulling yourself along with just your arms, the next you’re crabwalking across a narrow ledge with swirling white water below. Our first fun moment came with a short natural slide, basically a rushing halfpipe of water that we all just tucked in our limbs and slide down into a deep (COLD!) pool. There were quite a few of those, always fun. The jumps were the most intense part of course. They started us off small, one backflop like we’d practiced, then a cannonball into a wide pool and a few others, but it wasn’t long until they got ridiculous. Of particular note: A reverse Scuba entry (falling backwards head first) from about 8 feet up, a backflop from about 8 feet into knee deep water, the slide down to the guide whereupon he grabbed your leg and pivoted you out headfirst over a drop and the worst of them an 18 foot leap into a 3 foot wide crevasse where you had to hit the tiny patch of white water below or risk hurting yourself. This isn’t even mentioning a few short rappelling sections or the various cliff climbs. I’m sure they do their best to keep the danger to a minimum but there were times where it was very real and incredibly fun. Also exhausting, especially when we got to the bottom and they said “way to go, now we climb back up to the van.” Once we were back at the home base we got all our gear off and dried off and they did something that I really wish more rafting companies would do. They pulled out some beer and soft drinks, one of the owners was slicing up a ton of amazing bernese farm cheese and fresh bread and they let us just hang out and chat while we recharged a bit. I know we’re paying for the beer and cheese in the price, but it’s just nice to get a chance to sit and laugh about the trip with everyone else before we go our separate ways.

Once back at the hostel I took an incredibly long shower to warm up again. One of my new Korean roomies was using a skype app or something on his phone and was shouting at the top of his lungs as I’d walked in to grab my things and by the time I’d gotten into the shower he was shouting so loudly that I could hear him through the wall. Noise aside, it felt amazingly good to be warm and after I got out I was tempted to lay down for a bit shouting Koreans or no, but I really wanted to get a view from up the mountains with my camera. I didn’t have the time or money ($200+ cdn) to do the trip to the highest train station in Europe, but found out the mountain just outside of town had a funicular and what’s more had a 15 franc deal to head up and have a drink included for one specific departure that I could just make if I hustled. It’s obviously the best deal of the day as the thing was packed. The view and beer were definitely worth it though and I sat up there for quite a while enjoying the scenery and the mountain air (eventually a piece of swiss apple cake as well.) It was all really great until I realized that my steadily deteriorating camera will now no longer take a proper image if I use the zoom at all. Once the zoom is moved it needs to be turned off before it will function again. I now think it must have gotten a significant smack when I fell and hurt my thumb in Wales. Hopefully my parents appreciate that I saved the expensive camera while breaking my own. I won’t be surprised if it gives up the ghost completely before the trip is up but I can always switch my video camera over to single shot mode if need be.

On coming down from the mountain I detoured to the train station since I was most of the way there, found out my desired train was fully booked and ended up booking a 7am one instead (ick) that got there later than my preferred route. Since I was quite tired I decided to just hit the grocery store, buy some bread and cheese with the last of my swiss francs and take it easy, a plan that didn’t outlast the aussie roommate returning. He’d gone canyoning as well but he’d done a longer one and was heading out to dinner and mini golf with his group. It turned out to be a good decision to go with them as we had a hell of a time. On the way to the restaurant we finally figured out what the temporary stadium being set up in the park was for. Apparently it’s a once in six years or so traditional swiss wrestling championship, it looks truly bizarre but everyone seems quite excited. As we walked through the stadium a group of singers were practicing for a sound check and actually included some Yodeling which made us all feel incredibly touristy. The restaurant turned out to be great as well, we eventually got a table for 7 on the patio and ended up right next to a high school band providing entertainment. We spent about 3 hours there abandoning the mini golf plan when we waited 45 minutes to order for people that never showed, everyone else was great company and we all had a blast but sadly most of us were leaving early the next morning so we called it a night around 11, even then by the time I packed I was looking at five and a half hours of sleep.

Today has been another fantastically beautiful train ride through the alps, every little town we passed looked fascinating and I’d love to go back with a car or motorcycle and explore that area of the world properly. After a short stopover in Milan I’m heading to Venice along a much less scenic route. Of course just as I write this we come out of the tree tunnel next to a beautiful lakeshore lined with red tiled roofs. We’re getting back into hot temperatures and the A/C is barely keeping up.

—- later…

Crossing the big bridge to the actual island was quite neat, this was saturday and a number of enormous cruise ships were docked near the train station as we pulled in. For those who haven’t been, the moment you walk out of the train station you walk into a plaza with your first canal right in front of you. It pretty instantly screams YOU’RE IN VENICE! as you scramble to find the right boat to get to your hotel. Unless you can afford to cab it everywhere of course, but that’s a boat as well. I quickly found the hostel and regretted my thought of “that was the nicest place of the trip” this morning because that meant that of course this place wouldn’t be great. It’s not terrible, but the living area is going to keep me awake until late no matter what time I head to bed I’m guessing. I had a quick shower (nowhere to put any clothes to keep them dry hooray!) and head out into the city.

The famous piazza San Marco was first of course, because it’s the center of many of the monuments and also because it was the next stop on the water bus from my hostel. I managed to arrive while the Doge’s Palace was still open to visitors so I quickly joined the delightfully short queue and explored the palace. Lots of beautiful architecture and art, mostly remnants of Venice’s powerful days as a merchant nation and quite impressive. By the time I finished in there most of the other attractions had closed so I spent a few hours walking around, took a few photos from the Rialto bridge and grabbed a delicious spicy salami pizza at a trattoria back near the square.

I’ve since spent the evening locking down where I’ll be staying for the last week as Italy seems tons more busy than the rest of the continent as the summer winds down. It’s the first time I’ve planned more than 2 days ahead since England, but it seemed prudent.

 

 

 

Roadrage

5 August 2010
Toast
No comments
Categories: Rant...

Is there anything worse than being on a 1-lane highway? Up until now you’ve been cruising down a two lane divided, people are moving at a decent pace. Maybe you’re in a hurry, maybe you’re not, but you’ll get there reasonably close to when you expected. Then you lose a lane…
Instantly, every 5th driver around you turns into a moron and an annoyance. We’ve all been there, and you know any kind of predictability for arrival time goes out the window. This isn’t the biggest issue if you’re heading out just to take a sightseeing drive, but when (like me) you’re trying to catch a ferry it becomes problematic.

roadrage

Know Your Obstacles:

1.    The Sunday Driver: Only drives their car over to town a couple times a week. Doesn’t understand that the car can go faster than 50km/h (31ish mph) despite being in an 80 or 100 zone.

  • Likely Driving: Honda Civic, Chevy Cavalier/Optra, VW Golf/Beetle, Dodge Caravan

2.    Old Man in a Hat: Similar to the Sunday driver but will often go a bit faster. Unfortunately he brakes for almost anything (including sunshine) and takes forever to get back up to that speed. Also changes lanes at a pace more appropriate to an oil tanker.

  • Likely Driving: Caddy, Ford Crown Victoria, Mercedes C or S class, Toyota Corolla

3.    Nervous Nellie: Possibly a new driver, but just as likely not, they’re nervous about everything. Likely a city driver that doesn’t often get on the highway. The key symptom on a 1 lane each way undivided is that they flinch every time a car comes the other way.  This often leads to them slowing down, or even more dangerously actively slamming on the brakes anytime an opposite direction car passes. Particularly annoying (and dangerous) at night when their nervousness climbs into panic and no matter how far back you stay you’ll still risk hitting them.

  • Likely Driving: Toyota Prius, VW Jetta, Honda Civic, Mini Cooper, Mazda 3

4.    Captain Curvaphobic: Some of the most frustrating people to try to pass, this type is absolutely terrified of even the slightest bend or curve in the road.  The moment the road turns from a straight line he’ll drop his speed by 15-20 km/h. Those of us who like to use our cruise control find them absolutely infuriating. What’s worse is the moment you’re back on a straight section of road where you can actually pass, he’ll accelerate again and make it difficult.

  • Likely Driving: Jeep Grand Cherokee, Dodge Neon, Toyota Echo/Yaris

5.    Shepherd and his Sheep: The Shepherd is likely one of the above types who has gathered 5-10 sheep who are too nervous to try to pass him, but are sticking so close together than someone who comes up from behind needs to pass the entire herd at once or becomes part of it and exacerbates the problem. Most of the time periodic passing lanes can break this up, but this part of Ontario doesn’t seem to believe in them.
a.    Likely Driving: Everything under the sun.

6.    Trailer Tom: Usually a pretty similar situation as the shepherd. Often slow because they’re pulling a large trailer with a ridiculously underpowered light SUV or Minivan or even worse a car (enjoy the yearly transmission replacement morons.) The sheep in this case find it harder to pass since the two vehicle train is longer to pass. I’m not as anti-caravan as the Top Gear guys (I quite enjoy camping) but come on, if you’re planning to pull one buy something with the power train that can handle it.

  • Likely Driving: Honda CRV, Dodge Caravan, Mazda Tribute, Ford Taurus, Dodge Caliber

7.    The Explorer: We’ve all seen this guy in town too, usually a tourist trying to find a specific street and slowing/stopping at every intersection trying to read street signs. On this kind of highway he’s the guy who either can’t read a map or simply can’t remember a road number. Everytime you pass a sign indicating an upcoming turnoff or split he’ll be slowing and swerving as he tries to read a map and drive at the same time. In some cases he’ll do this for hours, apparently so bad at reading maps that he can’t even tell that he’s not even in the ballpark of his exit yet. Why people can’t print off a google map or make a quick sequential list of the Highways/Roads/Exits they’ll before I they leave on a trip to an unfamiliar area I’ll never understand.

  • Ford Focus, Ford F-150, Ford Explorer, Dodge Ram, Hummer, Honda Pilot

8.    The Big Heavy Truck: You’re driving down one of these roads and off in the distance is a farmyard or gas station with a soul crushing sight. Waiting to exit: a massive double load tractor trailer. You hope and pray that it’s either turning left, or that the traffic flow is constant enough in front of you to not let it in. Of course it won’t be, and you’ll find yourself slowed to a crawl as this behemoth struggles to make it up to 50 then takes another five minutes to get to 85. God help you if this is a hilly road, because this truck is so full of anvils, tungsten or cows that it has to slip into a crawler gear and put on blinkers to climb. Soon there will be a train of 30 cars behind you, but none of you will be able to pass because a stadium parking lot worth of cars will suddenly be travelling the other way at perfect intervals, except when there’s a double yellow line.

9.    The “I have an expensive car that obviously has cruise control but I’m not using it and driving you to madness”: Maybe it’s just me, but I see these guys all the time.  You’ll be driving down the road at 105km/h or whatever and come up behind one of these guys. Prepping to pass, you’ll suddenly find them pulling away from you, so you re-engage cruise and relax again. Suddenly around the next bend you’ll be up near their bumper again, whatever cell phone call they’re on having distracted them into slowing down. This time you decide, screw it I’ll pass them so I can just stay cruising. No luck, they’ll pass you back a few minutes later.

  • Likely Driving: Mercedes S/C Class, BMW 3 or 5 Series, Lexus LS460, Cadillac CTS. Audi TT, Volvo XC90, Mini Cooper S or whatever the current IT car is.

I don’t understand why it’s so much to ask for me to be able to put on my cruise control and enjoy the drive. If you aren’t comfortable driving on the highway, take a bus… the greyhound network here in Southern Ontario is reasonably good and likely wouldn’t put you into a stress induced early grave. My personal pet peeve though is the last type, mostly because there often seems to be active malice behind their actions as opposed to the just general stupidity of the other offenders. I’m not actively pushing for a death race 200 style combat/point system…or maybe I am?

dr2000

How about?

  • Sunday Drivers: 250 points
  • Old Men in Hats: 100 points (way too common to be worth more)
  • Nervous Nellie: 750 points (reasonably common, but twitchy so hard to hit)
  • Curvophobe: 250 points
  • Shepherd: 100 points (25 points per sheep)
  • Trailer Tom: 120 points (easy target)
  • The Explorer: 120 points (with the map up he’ll never see you coming)
  • The Big Heavy Truck: 300 points to everyone within 100 kilometers in celebration
  • IHAECTOHCCBINUIADYTM: the biggy a full 500 points!

We can of course add on the pedestrian scoring system from DR2000

  • Teenagers: 40 points
  • Toddlers under 12: 70 points
  • Women: 10 points more than men at any age.
  • Anyone over 75 (either sex): 100 points (Euthanasia Day!)

Hmmm, I think we’re on to something here. Now I just need to come up with a terrible nickname, a fun modding/paint scheme for my Mazda3 along with an alluring female navigator for the nude group massage scene.

A man can dream…

-Toast

p.s. What about the Toaster (main weapon: flamethrower?) painted in chrome and restyled to look like an old school Toaster. Hell we could even put a cylon eye on the front and mix that joke in.
product-preview-adult-toaster-large
Check out the shirt here

p.p.s. If you haven’t seen the original Death Race 2000 you really should, it’s amazing.

Endings… we’ve had a few…

26 July 2010
Toast
No comments
Categories: Theatre, Things Toast cares about...

So today is officially the day after the Winnipeg Fringe Festival.

Therefore it’s also officially the first time I haven’t attended the festival at all in over ten years, probably fifteen. It’s hard to describe how sad I am about that.

To some people the festival is a fun period of time where they go out to a few shows. To me it’s almost 2 weeks of non-stop fun…

It’s a time of year that:

  • I’m out every night seeing unique theatre…
  • I’m sharing stories with random strangers about what shows are great (and what’s a total stinker)…
  • I’m thanking the memory of my grandmother for instilling in me an appreciation for theatre…
  • I’m seeing some friends I only see once a year at the festival…
  • I’m seeing random people I never knew were fringe fans in one of those “Winnipeg is a smaller town than you think” moments.
  • I’m likely having a meal or two a day downtown, and at least a couple drinks at the kings head… (mmm scotch eggs)
  • I actually resent the bombers for having a home game and keeping me away from Old Market Square.

I love seeing the exchange come alive for a celebration, and it absolutely broke my heart to not be there last week. I look forward to Fringe all year long and the last few days of the fest are super melancholy as I realize how much fun it’s been and how long it is til it’s here again. Being out in Waterloo didn’t stop me from having that feeling this weekend either. Even if I’m working out here permanently next year it’ll take some serious obstacles to keep me away two years in a row.

One rainy evening… (part I)

25 July 2010
Toast
No comments
Categories: Poker

***Warning: Heavy Poker Content***

It’s been ages since I’ve played any poker, either live or online, but I had a rainy evening free this week and fired up my laptop for a little fix. Browsing the tables I found a reasonably small scale SNG that like wouldn’t keep me up too late if I went deep. Little did I know it was going to turn into a roller coaster ride.

The opening few minutes were the usual explosion of push and whiffers. For those who don’t play tourneys online I should explain. In the opening few minutes of these low denomination tournaments(which is all I let myself play online til I’m done school), there is a decent chance you’ll have one or more people who will go All-In on one of their first hands if it’s half decent. These people are either hoping to show early aggression, or in many cases they’re hoping for a call or two and a win in order to start the the tourney off with a decent chip lead at their table. If they lose, they’re only out the buy in. There are a lot of reasons why people think this is a good idea, but I won’t go into them. Suffice it to say that if you’re a normal player, it’s a good idea to stay out of any hands for the first orbit or two unless you’ve got a monster hand. Even by normal standards, this particular tourney was lousy in the opening minutes.

In the first hand across the 10 table tourney, 9 players busted. Within the first 4 hands at my table, 6 people busted including a 4 way all in where the winning hand was a pair of queens. My best hand for the first few orbits was a J-10 suited so I didn’t mind sitting back for a bit. Still it was definitely the fastest I’d ever been moved tables in an online tourney when we were split up after a single orbit. Thankfully things became a little less mental at this point as the more insane among us were weeded out. Over the next few hands I won a few small pots without going to a showdown and made one pretty decent laydown with trip jacks when the opponent in question tabled a straight flush to cripple the former chipleader.

Click onward for the rest of the post…

Read More

Picasso at the Lapin Agile

16 March 2009
Toast
No comments
Categories: Theatre

Kudos to Steve Martin for putting his money where his mouth is. An Oregon high school was forced to cancel a production of Martin’s play “Picasso at the Lapin Agile” due to typical American Christian/conservative idiocy about mature themes. Martin stepped in and helped them stage an off-campus performance at a nearby college

 

One has to wonder about these parents… Did they attend high school in Mayberry? Having seen the play in question when it was put on at MTC a few years back I have great difficulty seeing what their complaints are about. The so called mature themes are tame compared to a Monday morning discussion of the past weekend, much less other literature that is tackled in high school or (god forbid) a night of television.

 

If you want to homeschool your kids and turn them into sheltered, useless human being with no social skills… do so… stop forcing everyone else’s children to lower themselves to your level.

Alan Moore’s sandy vagina…

18 February 2009
Toast
No comments
Categories: Comics, Rant...

Don’t get me wrong, I love Alan Moore’s work, I love Watchmen in particular but he’s a hypocritical angry old hash addict. In the lead up to the Watchmen release the media have been writing the usual stories about Alan Moore. We all know that Moore doesn’t like the idea of film adaptations of his work… he liked it fine when he took the money to sell the rights to various things in the first place, but that’s a whole other argument. Regardless he can do whatever he want then come screaming back later about how he disavows it and know that the hard-core fanboys will blindly follow his lead and ignore the fortune he’s making.

 

There’s no question the film will not be a direct representation of the original, that’s simply impossible. I just hope that it’s a great movie that tries to keep the spirit of the original alive while appealing to a broader audience (not LCD, but broader). Comic book zealots who think only a frame by frame translation will do are completely deluding themselves. It’s impossible both in terms of a watchable time frame for the movie (no matter how much I love the subject matter I’d have trouble sitting through a 4 or 5 hour movie :p) and also in terms of content.

 

Many fans are up in arms about Director Zack Snyder extending fight scenes and pumping up the action in the movie. I hate to say it folks, while I’m also a bit hesitant about his touch (I was not a huge fan of 300) the movie does need to have more action. People who aren’t familiar with Watchmen will expect a certain level of action and if they don’t get it, the movie will not do well. No matter what, if the movie was only tailored towards hard core comic book fans it would crash and crash hard. If a few more action scenes are the price I have to pay to get a think-piece like Watchmen out there and get more people to read the actual book (and that sort of comic in general) I’m all for it. The movie most of these fans want would cost an absolute fortune and make no money (no, book fans alone can not support that kind of budget) and we’d be stuck with “safe” crap like Spidey and xmen 3 as our only superhero flicks while anything with a brain was left to rot in development as “too risky.”

 

My biggest level of disgust comes with the total wanks who are complaining about  what the marketing machine is doing to Watchmen. They see the book being featured in stores and toys being marketed and they start whining about things being contrary to the spirit blah blah blah… I’m with you on things like coffee tie-ins and fast food (though I don’t think I’ve heard of one, at least not yet) but how the fuck is it a bad thing that I can walk into chapters and see a display of Watchmen.  It’s a great book with some great topics and if someone walks in and picks it up because the movie looks cool and really really loves it… how is that a bad thing? Am I missing some fundamental connection where the fact that I can now have a Nite Owl or Doctor Manhattan figure on my desk from Toys-r-us ruins your personal enjoyment of the book? Someone new is being brought into serious graphic novels is a bad thing? Get your head out of your ass and if you don’t want to see the movie, don’t see it.

 

And Alan, quit bogarting the good stuff.

In the words of Frou Frou the talking cat

10 February 2009
Toast
No comments
Categories: Meanwhile... at stately Wayne Manor., Rant..., Travel

There’s no place like home…

 

 

Waterloo's Tallest Building
Waterloo's Tallest Building

 

There are varying degrees of culture shock that one gets upon moving away from one’s birthplace for the first time. Maybe you moved to Europe for school and you’re learning a new language (or multiple new languages). Perhaps you went to Australia for a year to find yourself (more likely to find beer and people of loose morals of the gender of your choice.) Or perhaps you only moved to Ontario…

 

As most of you who read this blog know, I recently (temporarily) moved to Waterloo Ontario to take an internship at Research in Motion inc. proud manufacturers of BlackBerry and BlackBerry related products. Is it whiny and lame of me to complain of culture shock moving to southern Ontario from Manitoba? Yeah, probably… but it’s more a combo of wistful homesickness and culture shock anyway.

 

Waterloo is an incredibly white town, somewhere around 90% of the city is very white, mostly of Germanic descent. The universities thankfully break this up a bit, bringing a more diverse student base, especially of asian backgrounds. As someone from Manitoba however, the absence of any significant aboriginal population is somewhat jarring. I was actually specifically told that I might want to consider not broadcasting the fact that I’m Metis as this area doesn’t have the greatest reputation of friendliness towards first nations people. I’m not entirely surprised as the city is fairly affluent and definitely seems to cultivate a wholesome whitebread image.

 

The weirdest things have been making me home sick… I’m the first to claim that Winnipeg drivers suck, but at least we’re relatively friendly. People in southern Ontario like to come very close to running down a pedestrian in a parking lot at least once daily, and will NOT come to a stop at crosswalks even if you’re already halfway across. When people pass you on the highway, they will cut back in front of you within 2 feet of your bumper, even if the lane is clear ahead and there is no one on their tale. One of the weirdest things that I still find jarring after two months is the sheer length of light patterns. Pressure plates seem to be non-existent here and many of the intersections near my place have light patterns in excess of 90 seconds.

 

Culinarily I’ve been having issues too, needless to say I can’t get anything George’s like here (though I’ve been pleased by being reunited with Popeye’s Chicken) and overall ethnic food wise the place doesn’t hold a candle to Winnipeg. The single greatest tragedy is the lack (at least that I’ve been able to find) of any true thai restaurants. Most of the Vietnamese restaurants in town bill themselves as Vietnamese and Thai food, but invariably their Thai dishes consist of a shitty tomato based Pad Thai and various Vietnamese style noodly bowls with “thai chicken” which near as I can tell just means they put extra lime juice or lime leaves in. If you’re especially lucky you might find a lackluster Tom Kha Gai soup.  This wouldn’t be a crushing disappointment if it weren’t also very difficult to find Thai ingredients in the limited local asian markets. Proper thai curry pastes are nowhere to be found, much less something like Matsuman, but at least I can make some semi-proper pad thai. What I wouldn’t give to be able to head down to Vientiane tonight though…

 

You might think I should be thankful for the weather, but to be honest, other than the week of death back in January (Winnipeg: coldest place on the continent… beating out the ARCTIC CIRCLE) temperatures have not been far apart and we’ve gotten an absolute ton of snow that has made the wussy people around here hibernate even more. Even getting someone to go for a drink after work is like pulling teeth. I’m told things will get better here with the coming of summer and the festival season, but all I can say is thank god for movies and the internet. Regardless, summer brings Fringe back home and unless I can swing a trip back it’ll be the first festival that I’ve missed all of in well over a decade.

 

Matters are not helped by the fact that the famous southern Ontario attitude is alive and well here… Not long after arriving here I was shopping at best buy for a movie and happened to mention that I was new to the city and trying to keep myself occupied until I met some people. His response when he found out I was from Winnipeg. “So I guess things are a little more fast paced here hey? – – – Yeah that’s right buddy…Kitchener (population ~200k) is too fast paced for me, your towering downtown skyline of 3 or 4 buildings over 10 stories tall just blows my little prairie mind. Wake up, even Regina has a bigger downtown core than this dinky little town. I guess merely by being within 2 hours of downtown Toronto I should feel overwhelmed by the I AM CANADA aura that is the GTA.

 

Sorry, no dice.

Apologies for any site wonkyness, had to rebuild it right before leaving.

Latest Posts

Find a Post by Tag