The Bulldogs are Cheating

Nostalgia

Earworms (Commercial Edition)

13 August 2010
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Categories: Meanwhile... at stately Wayne Manor.

In the vein of the earlier earworm post I have a more important question… Is there anything more insidious than that very special brand of commercial that finds a nook and simply won’t leave your head for hours or days after you hear it? United Furniture Warehouse has even had campaigns based around singing the jingle. I do try hard to not let advertising impact my buying decisions, but I can’t say it doesn’t affect me.
For me growing up a lot of these jingles were seen on the slightly shitty American stations we’d get piped in from random American cities. Back before Winnipeg had NBC and CBS via Minneapolis we had Michigan stations (until people complained that the news from there was too violent.) Once we got Fox our stations came first from Toledo and now from Rochester NY.

One of my all time favorites was the dog jingle for a car dealership. It featured an animated dog and cowboy and the following lines:
•    “Hey dawg, cmon dawg… Me an’ dawg want you to come on down to Telegraph Road, RIGHT NOW, get a good deal” “WOOF”

It has probably been 15-20 years since I’ve seen that jingle, but at least 3 of my friends can still sing it word for word.

Sometimes it’s not even a musical jingle just a specific shouting pattern. A perfect example of this is Jim “The Hammer” Shapiro a Lawyer from upstate New York who shouted at the top of his lungs and gave himself various other nicknames including the “meanest SOB in town” as he tried to solicit injury cases.  He was pretty much the epitome of the american lawyer stereotype.
•    “I’m Jim “THE HAMMER” Shapiro and I sue drunks, call 1-800-546-7777”

He made a lot of variations over the years and somehow I still know the phone number by heart.

Sadly I can’t blame the Americans for the worst of them all. A commercial jingle so vile that even as they change it every season the main theme is still stuck in your head… I speak of course of: Marineland.
•    “In Niagara Falls Ontario, Marineland is the place to go… etc…”


This one has such tenacity that a few of my friends use it as a rickrolling type video knowing that if we trick someone into seeing even the opening few words they’ll have the whole song running through their brains constantly for a week. Personally I’m hoping having lived out here and seeing the commercials even more often may have increased my immunity a bit.

Earworms

1 August 2010
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Categories: Rant...

200px-gordonbarenakedladies

Why is it that certain songs stick in your head so intensely? It’s as if songs are tiny musical worms boring into your grey matter. Everyone’s experienced this with certain terrible and overplayed radio fodder. Some of these horrible tunes are so omnipresent when you’re shopping or on tv/commercials that you could probably sing all or parts of them without even knowing the title or artist. A couple recent examples would be pokerface, that milkshake song or Single Ladies. Unfortunately for humanity, we have a finite amount of memory in our grey matter, who knows what important knowledge is being overwritten with a Ke$ha song at this very minute.

It’s not all terrible of course, if a catchy good song gets stuck in my head I’ll likely remember it to the point where the vocal part becomes a lot easier when it’s released for Rock Band. As much fun as it is to sometimes do the vocals and guitar or drums simultaneously, is it really worth having to look up the formula for the volume of a sphere next time you need it?

It’s definitely the songs from your adolescence that are really lodged in there. My father appears to be able to sing every three dog night song from memory despite the band having broken up for the first time in 1976. I especially noticed this when I recently fired up Grooveshark and queued up the entirely of the Barenaked Ladies Gordon album.

My friends Christ, Geoff and I all listened to Gordon pretty much nonstop for a while. It was released in July of 1992 when I was 13 years old and I kid you not, when the songs started to play, I could still sing them front to back with zero mistakes. Next I threw on BNL’s Maybe You Should Drive and Moxy Fruvous: Bargainville, same deal… though with MYSD I at least occasionally made a mistake. Gordon, Bargainville and tapes of Simpsons episodes were always on the mini boombox for late evenings in our tents at scout camps, usually accompanying a game of Asshole or Crib.

Incidentally, is anyone else amused that the Album cover changed on its reissue? By then they were going a little more mainsteam, Stephen had lost a fair bit of weight, Ed and Tyler had radically changed their looks and Andy had left the band. I suppose it’s fair because their image had changed a lot. It wasn’t until recently that they started once again putting pictures of themselves on the album covers. I’m guessing they were a bit embarrassed by the photos on the front of Gordon, but it’s always how I’ll remember the album (which I originally listened to in Cassette tape glory.)

This got me thinking, what other albums did I listen to a ton of front to back from 1992ish to 1997? The Counting Crows for sure, a few individual grunge albums, Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness, terrible 1990’s aerosmith, Dookie, and a lot of soundtracks/orchestral as I got really into music at school.

I’m sure there’s something I’m forgetting, anyone have an iconic (or idiotic) 90s album they remember front to back?

A father for us all…

23 July 2010
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Categories: Meanwhile... at stately Wayne Manor., Things Toast cares about...

optimus-prime

The other day I was at the drugstore trying to choose a birthday card for my team to give to our boss when I noticed a familiar face peeking out from the kids birthday section. The shining silver mouth, the oddly expressive eyes and the almost batman like points of his head were all instantly recognizable. It was Optimus Prime, the world’s greatest father figure and since it was a sound chip card he was “getting a signal to wish me a happy birthday.” Now don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing father. He’s a patient and kind (if slightly odd) man who is a genuine inspiration to me. However; Optimus Prime is a robot.

Let’s go through the reasons for Prime’s supremacy as a father figure.

1. He’s a Robot…

Robots fit the classic North American strong father figure archetype perfectly. Tall, strong, barrel-chested (truck-chested?) and able to defend his family, when you boasted that “my dad could beat up your dad” as a little kid you’d win pretty much by default.

2. He’s also a truck

Growing up, how cool would it have been to pull up at the front door of your elementary school in a giant shining truck that drives itself?

3. His voice…

Peter Cullen’s iconic voice inspires the autobots to fight against impossible odds. Could you possibly resist doing your homework or eating your veggies with that voice chiding you gently? What about bedtime stories? I’m sure Fred Savage would have preferred Optimus Prime over Colombo.

4. Self-sacrifice and nobility

There are too many examples to list, indeed at times some would argue that Prime seems to be far too noble. Honestly though, is that even possible in a father?

5. You’d get to see and do things other humans never will

Want to see Cybertron? How about exploring other planets? Wouldn’t a transforming robotic power suit be cool to have? You might even get a career in space. Sure, we all know that once in a while you’ll get kidnapped and put in mortal peril. Don’t be scared… Starscream or Rumble will end up in charge of guarding you and you’ll be able to escape through their sheer incompetence.

6. Never be late for soccer practice

Even if he can’t drive you there himself he can always pull that little wheelie robot out of his trailer and send you off in that. Heck, worst case scenario he can just order Bumblebee to be your bitch like he always was for that Spike Witwicky kid. (Incidentally, how come Sparkplug named his son Spike, but Spike named his kid Daniel… shouldn’t he have gone with Chainsaw or Carburetor or something?)

7. You’ll never have to hire a moving company

Just think, not only can he carry all your stuff off to college or a new job in his trailer but he can transform and hand boxes in through the window of your crummy 5th floor walkup and save you some stairs.

8. He’ll be around for the long haul

Sure all those sad farewells may tug on your heartstrings a bit, but he never seems to die permanently. There are things to be said for a near immortal dad. Eventually you would have seen it happen often enough that you could probably make some decent coin betting on his resurrection.

9. He’s a ROBOT!

The coolness of this cannot be overstated…

Is it any wonder that some of us cried when he died in Transformers: The Movie?* We all knew that Ultra Magnus and Hot Rod(imus) were no replacement for this icon of leadership, masculinity and parental excellence. Even watching the abominations created by Michael Bay the presence and dignity of the voice rises above the schlock. I can almost bear slow motion running from explosions and random meaningful stares into sunsets when it’s narrated by Peter Cullen. If only Frank Welker had been involved too…

prime

*well I was 7 at the time…

3 Quick Hits

20 May 2009
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Categories: Three Quick Hits

Hey kids!  It’s time for another installment of 3 Quick Hits. Three things I find silly or cool or whatnot but that don’t really merit me writing much about them.

First up via SlipperyBrick:

Without a doubt the coolest usb flashdrive ever.

transforming-flash-drive 

A fully transformable Ravage! Turning into a mini-cassette is so 80’s, all the cool kids these days use flash drives right? I am somewhat ashamed to admit how much I’d pay for a full set of these (or at least Ravage, Rumble and Razorbeak). Makes you wonder what form soundwave would take these days though, would he just be a laptop? An iPod seems a bit tiny for the coolest of all Decepticons, perhaps of all Transformers (and no, Blaster was nowhere near as cool… the autobot tapes were nowhere near as cool)

Numero Dos:

A commercial from bizaaro-world in North Carolina, I really hope this is an elaborate prank but I still spit juice onto my keyboard.

 

3rd shout out goes to the good old AVclub for their recent two part article on Ridiculous and Terrifying killer robots.

The Ridiculous and the Terrifying

I was quite pleased to see Maximillian from The Black Hole on there, but how are the short Circuit Robots not on there as ridiculous? A force of killing machines that can be stopped with a 3 stooges routine… sounds great!

An uncertain neon oasis…

12 May 2009
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Categories: Poker, Things Toast cares about..., Travel

vegas

 

We are in the middle of a global economic recession. Though I certainly wasn’t in any doubt about it before, I had it systematically reinforced during my recent visit to Las Vegas. Things are bad in Sin City… and getting worse.

 

…more after the break…

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R.I.P. Bea Arthur

27 April 2009
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Categories: Television

Anyone who was around in the 80’s knew the Golden Girls, and like many Canadians around my age I probably saw every episode. The show’s syndicated run in Canada was one of the few things on after school that was for a bit more adult of an audience (these being the ancient days when basic cable was under 20 channels.)

 

Looking back I have a lot of fond memories of the show and of the four actresses in the lead roles. Much comedy was wrung from naïve Rose, man-crazy Blanche and irascible Sophia, but Bea Arthur’s Dorothy was the character that held the show together. Without Dorothy the show could easily have degenerated into one dimensional sillyness. Arthur was the consummate straight-woman and a gifted comedienne who had that all too rare ability to make the switch to pathos without it feeling totally contrived. (For a counter example see: Allen, Tim)

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It wasn’t until later in life that I saw any of her earlier series Maude on classic tv channels, but it was instantly clear that she brought the same skills to that role as well. I’m still amazed that they were able to have that frank of a discussion on abortion on network TV in that era. She was definitely a trailblazer for strong female characters on television (something we’re still not exactly swimming in.)

 

The post Golden Girls/Palace careers of the 4 women are rather varied…

 

Rue McClanahan seems to have taken minor parts in every crappy tv series and direct to video feature she could get. (Though I must say I enjoyed her as the blind biology teacher in Starship Troopers)

 

Estelle Getty died several years ago after developing a degenerative mental illness, but before that she did the terrible but  oddly funny Stallone movie “Stop or my Mom will Shoot” and had a few other minor roles including a voice part in Duckman.

 

Betty White continues to be a perennial scene stealer. The foul mouthed granny egging on the giant gator in Lake Placid is a favorite as was her turn on Boston Legal and a recent guest star appearance on My Name is Earl as the witch lady. Her upcoming role in the new Sandra Bullock movie looks to be the only watchable thing in that inevitable crapfest. Her recent appearances on the new Pyramid show demonstrate that she’s as sharp as ever (ditto her great roast of Shatner).

 

Bea’s post GG career was a little more laid back, sticking to a few roles and some stage work. The highlight for me of course is her absolutely inspired turn as the fem-bot impersonating a fem-puter on the Futurama episode: Amazon Women in the Mood. Her voice acting is fantastic and based on the commentary the Futurama crew obviously loved her. The most recent thing I remember her from is a perfect example of her deadpan humour, sadly the AVclub beat me to the punch on this one but it really is perfect:

 

 

Farewell Cook County General

21 April 2009
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Categories: Television, Things Toast cares about...

 

er

In 1994 I was a geeky 10th grader making his way through high school and trying to decide what to do with his life. I was on the verge of making some serious mistakes regarding romantic entanglements that would haunt the next 5-10 years of my life, I was coasting through school without having to make much of an effort and I was discovering the person that I would become. And on September 19, 1994 a TV series premiered that would influence my life for the next 10 years… that series was ER.

 

More after the break…

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In the words of Frou Frou the talking cat

10 February 2009
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Categories: Meanwhile... at stately Wayne Manor., Rant..., Travel

There’s no place like home…

 

 

Waterloo's Tallest Building
Waterloo's Tallest Building

 

There are varying degrees of culture shock that one gets upon moving away from one’s birthplace for the first time. Maybe you moved to Europe for school and you’re learning a new language (or multiple new languages). Perhaps you went to Australia for a year to find yourself (more likely to find beer and people of loose morals of the gender of your choice.) Or perhaps you only moved to Ontario…

 

As most of you who read this blog know, I recently (temporarily) moved to Waterloo Ontario to take an internship at Research in Motion inc. proud manufacturers of BlackBerry and BlackBerry related products. Is it whiny and lame of me to complain of culture shock moving to southern Ontario from Manitoba? Yeah, probably… but it’s more a combo of wistful homesickness and culture shock anyway.

 

Waterloo is an incredibly white town, somewhere around 90% of the city is very white, mostly of Germanic descent. The universities thankfully break this up a bit, bringing a more diverse student base, especially of asian backgrounds. As someone from Manitoba however, the absence of any significant aboriginal population is somewhat jarring. I was actually specifically told that I might want to consider not broadcasting the fact that I’m Metis as this area doesn’t have the greatest reputation of friendliness towards first nations people. I’m not entirely surprised as the city is fairly affluent and definitely seems to cultivate a wholesome whitebread image.

 

The weirdest things have been making me home sick… I’m the first to claim that Winnipeg drivers suck, but at least we’re relatively friendly. People in southern Ontario like to come very close to running down a pedestrian in a parking lot at least once daily, and will NOT come to a stop at crosswalks even if you’re already halfway across. When people pass you on the highway, they will cut back in front of you within 2 feet of your bumper, even if the lane is clear ahead and there is no one on their tale. One of the weirdest things that I still find jarring after two months is the sheer length of light patterns. Pressure plates seem to be non-existent here and many of the intersections near my place have light patterns in excess of 90 seconds.

 

Culinarily I’ve been having issues too, needless to say I can’t get anything George’s like here (though I’ve been pleased by being reunited with Popeye’s Chicken) and overall ethnic food wise the place doesn’t hold a candle to Winnipeg. The single greatest tragedy is the lack (at least that I’ve been able to find) of any true thai restaurants. Most of the Vietnamese restaurants in town bill themselves as Vietnamese and Thai food, but invariably their Thai dishes consist of a shitty tomato based Pad Thai and various Vietnamese style noodly bowls with “thai chicken” which near as I can tell just means they put extra lime juice or lime leaves in. If you’re especially lucky you might find a lackluster Tom Kha Gai soup.  This wouldn’t be a crushing disappointment if it weren’t also very difficult to find Thai ingredients in the limited local asian markets. Proper thai curry pastes are nowhere to be found, much less something like Matsuman, but at least I can make some semi-proper pad thai. What I wouldn’t give to be able to head down to Vientiane tonight though…

 

You might think I should be thankful for the weather, but to be honest, other than the week of death back in January (Winnipeg: coldest place on the continent… beating out the ARCTIC CIRCLE) temperatures have not been far apart and we’ve gotten an absolute ton of snow that has made the wussy people around here hibernate even more. Even getting someone to go for a drink after work is like pulling teeth. I’m told things will get better here with the coming of summer and the festival season, but all I can say is thank god for movies and the internet. Regardless, summer brings Fringe back home and unless I can swing a trip back it’ll be the first festival that I’ve missed all of in well over a decade.

 

Matters are not helped by the fact that the famous southern Ontario attitude is alive and well here… Not long after arriving here I was shopping at best buy for a movie and happened to mention that I was new to the city and trying to keep myself occupied until I met some people. His response when he found out I was from Winnipeg. “So I guess things are a little more fast paced here hey? – – – Yeah that’s right buddy…Kitchener (population ~200k) is too fast paced for me, your towering downtown skyline of 3 or 4 buildings over 10 stories tall just blows my little prairie mind. Wake up, even Regina has a bigger downtown core than this dinky little town. I guess merely by being within 2 hours of downtown Toronto I should feel overwhelmed by the I AM CANADA aura that is the GTA.

 

Sorry, no dice.

Don’t you put it in your mouth

26 June 2008
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Categories: Meanwhile... at stately Wayne Manor.

Real… Ick!

What canadian kid of recent generations can forget this classic video. To this day all I have do is sing “Don’t you put in your mouth” at a gathering of friends and at least a couple people will join in with the entire first verse. The hilarious WTF nature of the puppets always made it a favorite too.

The mentalfloss blog had an entry today about creepy kids TV and that video was on it. I never really got a downright creepy vibe from it though on second glance the face of the girl puppet is downright demonic mid closeup.

I can’t say that I see the this clip as anything but scarring for little kids. I love the works of the late great Samuel Clemens more than I can say, but man the combination of what is already a bit out there of a story with some skin crawlingly creepy claymation produces what I could only call guaranteed nightmare fodder for those under 10. Hell, I found it creepier than 99% of the “horror” schlock hollywood puts out these days. This episode of the adventures of Mark Twain was apparently banned from TV after one showing.

Saaattttaaannn…

Oddly enough I haven’t actually read the story in question… but yikes!

The rest of the videos don’t quite reach that level though the pure comedy factor of the following necessitate a link.

From The New Zoo Revue (which by itself sounds like a goat-happy alternative lifestyle magazine) we learn about sex!

70’s Hair

And one that’s apparently from a PBS show called “Many Voices, Many Visions” that, while obviously heavily edited and probably missing a ton of context, is still pretty cringe-worthy.

Little Black Boy

Thanks to Ransom Riggs over at Mentalfloss for making my morning… Check out their site!

Apologies for any site wonkyness, had to rebuild it right before leaving.

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