European Adventure: Bathtime

 

Our last day of this stay in London was a bit short as we had to be at Gatwick to pick up our rental car in the afternoon. We ended up taking a nice long walk up into Kensington and across Kensington Gardens/Hyde Park. London continued with its hot sun/cloud and cold wind switches in five minute intervals so this walk ended up being a lot putting on my jacket, taking off my jacket. The gardens themselves were beautiful, though we missed the dogs as we saw any number of pups enjoying the park. We passed Kensington Gardens where Will and Kate will be living when in London then walked down the park checking out the gorgeous Albert Memorial as well as the rather silly Princess Di moving necklace of water thing. I can only imagine what living near the park costs, but I couldn’t help but imagine living in London as we sat by  the serpentine and enjoyed a slice of cake and a bevy.

Sadly it wasn’t going to be long before we had to head to Gatwick so we began a circuitous walk back via Notting Hill where we had a quick look at the markets but things were bonkers and it was time to head back so we walked down to the tube station… and found that to go anywhere we had to hop back to Notting Hill gate station. Once we arrived back at Notting Hill Gate to transfer we found a massive crush of people that wouldn’t let us get off the train. I practically had to shove my way in while yelling at them to let people off before they boarded. Sadly though, the reason that the central platform was so crowded was that the proper line wasn’t running from that station beginning that morning. This was particularly lovely as it forced us to walk what we’d already walked and put us a little behind schedule, but eventually we got back to the hotel to grab our bags and hopped another tube for Victoria Station.

It marks me as a giant nerd, but there is something incredibly romantic to me about taking a proper train out of London (Gatwick is a fair ways out for those who haven’t been there.) As the train heads out into the country the industry of south London fades away fairly quickly and soon you’re passing through residential neighbourhoods that again look like something out of a brit-soap. Yet there are so many points where you can only see the false tudor tops of houses, or perhaps a farmhouse on a ridge further out. At these moments all signs of modernity disappear from the view and you can easily imagine yourself in any number of old novels or movies. For me it was the scene from the opening of the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe when the Pevinseys are being evacuated from London during the blitz. All too quickly though we were back to reality as we picked up the rental car and my father reacquainted himself with driving a manual while at the same time driving on the left, always fun. Eventually we managed to get on the right road and on our way. I’ll never understand the brit fascination for the roundabout. Don’t get me wrong, they absolutely have their place, but they show up far too often over here on what should be major uninterrupted stretches of road. Instead there’s a roundabout for every podunk back lane you cross.

Intellectually I know Europeans are used to tiny distances for everything, but I couldn’t help but be amazed at how close to the coast we actually were. Just driving down the highway for 20 minutes to get to the road we’d use to head west we ended up all of 15 miles from the English Channel. All the time in Australia I’d hear brits and other euros whine about how far of a drive it was to make it all the way up the coast, small wonder when driving across half the country is like driving to Brandon for us. The truly scary part of the journey wasn’t dad failing at roundabouts but instead nutso drivers (particularly motorcyclists) passing on blind corners and trying their damnedest to cause head-on collisions. At least twice we were in serious danger of a crash if dad hadn’t slammed on the brakes.

Our B&B turned out to not be quite in Salisbury but instead a few miles south in the New Forest. Driving into the narrow lane we ended up seeing some of the famous free roaming ponies just as we reached the turnoff for our place. Apparently there are absolutely tons of them, I can believe it since in the one small clearing by the pub there were probably 15 ponies and several foals grazing. We left them behind until later and found our home for the night where it turned out that our B&B “room” was actually a small contained suite with a bed and bath, kitchen, tv room and sunporch. As I write this the next night I’m sitting in a powered recliner on the sun porch and watching horses from a riding school nearby graze on the downs back towards Salisbury. We couldn’t believe our luck, especially at 90 pounds a night. The place was perfect, the surroundings were gorgeous and there’s a lovely pub within walking distance with a lovely Somerset cider on tap and delicious food on the table. Bliss.

The next morning we got up and were treated the second B of the B&B, a proper full English breakfast made to order like I hadn’t seen since Australia (including the baked beans and grilled tomato of course.) The plan for the day was to visit the city of Bath, famous of course for the ancient Roman bath complex as well as some gorgeous architecture. We did the full tour and explored the baths and accompanying frigidarium and caldarium (hooray for putting that art history course knowledge to use) as well as the temple finds. My parents say they’ve vastly increased the accessible area since their last visit 30 odd years ago. I loved the place, especially sitting in the main pool area, looking around at the ancient stones and imagining just how incredibly different Britain was back then. The juxtaposition of Bath Abbey rising above as you look up only reinforces how much history is concentrated in this little area. The abbey itself is a bit odd looking (being a 16th century restoration of an earlier 15/16th century catholic restoration of a more ancient cathedral.) It does have some beautiful stonework and what seems like a massive surplus of flying buttresses.

After a quickie late lunch at a sandwich/pasty shop we wandered around the rest of the old town enjoying the architecture and views of the river Avon until our parking was just about done. Since it was still relatively early and the site was on our way home we ended up heading to Stonehenge. It was a bizarre experience. Being from Canada I was honestly expecting a somewhat more involved experience with a big visitor center well back from the site itself and paths leading out to the point of interest. Instead, you come over a small rise and boom, there it is, more or less next to the road with the tiniest of gift shops and potties under a tunnel across the road. As you drive up it essentially looks like a car park in a farmer’s field (and basically is.) I later found out that they’re trying to raise the funds to do basically what I described… close that road (which actually bisects a chunk of the site) and move the visitor center well back with a shuttle to the site itself in a controlled manner. I hope they get their wish. The stones themselves are every bit as impressive as I expected. Somehow bigger AND smaller than I thought they would be there is a permanence about them that is intimidating. It makes you feel very aware of your insignificance… these stones have been standing here since 5000 odd years before you were born, and will likely still be there when you’re worm food twenty times over. While it may be crowded, the site is still big enough that you can find many a spot to take in the stones without 80 other tourists right in front of you. According to my parents you can also get much closer than you used to be able to (though they were here at a hot point in the Troubles so there was even barbed wire.)

We headed back to the New Forest for dinner, this time running into more ponies, pigs both tiny and enormous, a peacock and some sheep all crossing the road. I can’t really fathom driving down that road any later than we were, at least not without doing 5mph with a giant spotlight on the roof.

Tomorrow’s plans aren’t set yet, we’re likely heading into Swindon to inspect some family history and visit with someone before moving on to Cornwall. Pictures should be following shortly, I really should have uploaded some tonight while I had a decent connection but to be honest I’m a little too tired and I still want to write a postcard.

Three Quick Hits: Tron Edition

2146_app_temperature-sensitive_glass_tiles_shower_big

Check out these amazing temperature sensitive glass tiles. Their website has a number of pretty funky uses for them but I think my favorite is the shower setup. Definitely like a mood ring for your walls, they’d probably make an excellent kitchen backsplash. The only downside? At $33 for a 4×4 tile, I’m looking at $18,000ish just to do my tub surround, doing my whole bathroom would be more like 35 grand.
Check out the website here, hat tip to MentalFloss

If you’re like me you’re probably excited about the upcoming Tron Sequel, especially after the latest trailer. It honestly looks like they may have been faithful to the original yet expanded the idea. Even if you’re not a massive Tron fan, the one thing you likely know from the movie is the lightcycle concept and the accompanying visuals. The NightBright Tire is ostensibly a safety item, but I think we all know where the inspiration came from and the real reason they sell them:
nightbright

Lastly, if you’re a Tron fan with some money to waste, why not consider a functional, road legal replica of the lightcycle from the upcoming film. Only $35,000 USD will get you a custom built lightcycle in one of five colours. You can even have your choice of gasoline or electric engine for the thing. From the ebay page:

The back cover opens up at the push of a button and there is a neon glow that exits from the back of the bike to resemble the lightcycles colored light trail from the original game. These bikes will also come with a TRON style helmet (Not DOT Approved)

Amazing, and since these guys are the guys that did the batpod replica I can see it actually being built too.

lightcycle

The return of Three Quick Hits

community

First off, word on the street is that the upcoming release of Community Season One on DVD will include a short comic book featuring the exploits of in world B-Movie hero Kick-Puncher (the hero whose punches have the powers of kicks) that will also feature scantily clad comic heroines based on certain leading ladies. Sadly this comes after rumours that we won’t be getting a blu-ray edition. Come on NBC, some of us don’t want to add any more DVDs to our shelves but still want to support what has quickly become a fantastic show. If you haven’t given it a shot, or didn’t tune back in after the shaky pilot Community was arguably the best new show last year and has quickly become a personal favorite. If you’re male and on the fence, do a youtube search for “Community Annie Pottery scene” and be won over quickly…

Second is a fantastic blog I discovered a while back and have since linked on the sidebar, but it deserves special mention. Allie is a bit of an odd duck, not unlike myself, and her blog is a hilarious collection of personal stories held together with simple but very effective mspaint art.  trust me, you will enjoy her often very personal but always hilarious tales of her childhood and ongoing struggle to become an adult. If you’re like me you’ll also read her backlog and quickly begin to wonder how exactly she’s still among the living. Check her out at Hyperbole and a Half.responsibility7.

and lastly…

Darth Vader robs a bank…

hat tip to the AVclub…

A father for us all…

optimus-prime

The other day I was at the drugstore trying to choose a birthday card for my team to give to our boss when I noticed a familiar face peeking out from the kids birthday section. The shining silver mouth, the oddly expressive eyes and the almost batman like points of his head were all instantly recognizable. It was Optimus Prime, the world’s greatest father figure and since it was a sound chip card he was “getting a signal to wish me a happy birthday.” Now don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing father. He’s a patient and kind (if slightly odd) man who is a genuine inspiration to me. However; Optimus Prime is a robot.

Let’s go through the reasons for Prime’s supremacy as a father figure.

1. He’s a Robot…

Robots fit the classic North American strong father figure archetype perfectly. Tall, strong, barrel-chested (truck-chested?) and able to defend his family, when you boasted that “my dad could beat up your dad” as a little kid you’d win pretty much by default.

2. He’s also a truck

Growing up, how cool would it have been to pull up at the front door of your elementary school in a giant shining truck that drives itself?

3. His voice…

Peter Cullen’s iconic voice inspires the autobots to fight against impossible odds. Could you possibly resist doing your homework or eating your veggies with that voice chiding you gently? What about bedtime stories? I’m sure Fred Savage would have preferred Optimus Prime over Colombo.

4. Self-sacrifice and nobility

There are too many examples to list, indeed at times some would argue that Prime seems to be far too noble. Honestly though, is that even possible in a father?

5. You’d get to see and do things other humans never will

Want to see Cybertron? How about exploring other planets? Wouldn’t a transforming robotic power suit be cool to have? You might even get a career in space. Sure, we all know that once in a while you’ll get kidnapped and put in mortal peril. Don’t be scared… Starscream or Rumble will end up in charge of guarding you and you’ll be able to escape through their sheer incompetence.

6. Never be late for soccer practice

Even if he can’t drive you there himself he can always pull that little wheelie robot out of his trailer and send you off in that. Heck, worst case scenario he can just order Bumblebee to be your bitch like he always was for that Spike Witwicky kid. (Incidentally, how come Sparkplug named his son Spike, but Spike named his kid Daniel… shouldn’t he have gone with Chainsaw or Carburetor or something?)

7. You’ll never have to hire a moving company

Just think, not only can he carry all your stuff off to college or a new job in his trailer but he can transform and hand boxes in through the window of your crummy 5th floor walkup and save you some stairs.

8. He’ll be around for the long haul

Sure all those sad farewells may tug on your heartstrings a bit, but he never seems to die permanently. There are things to be said for a near immortal dad. Eventually you would have seen it happen often enough that you could probably make some decent coin betting on his resurrection.

9. He’s a ROBOT!

The coolness of this cannot be overstated…

Is it any wonder that some of us cried when he died in Transformers: The Movie?* We all knew that Ultra Magnus and Hot Rod(imus) were no replacement for this icon of leadership, masculinity and parental excellence. Even watching the abominations created by Michael Bay the presence and dignity of the voice rises above the schlock. I can almost bear slow motion running from explosions and random meaningful stares into sunsets when it’s narrated by Peter Cullen. If only Frank Welker had been involved too…

prime

*well I was 7 at the time…

People with zero chance of becoming Nobel laureates

This is absolutely one of my favorite things that have been sent to me in a while, a set of 41 terrible science projects. I’m sure a good chunk of these are fake or shopped, but some are all too real. Honestly, you have to pity the elementary school/junior high science teachers. Who doesn’t remember the kids who really didn’t try, or better yet who tried but chose the most ridiculous subjects imaginable. Here are a few absolute all-star projects. Children are our future, and we should all be absolutely terrified.

 

leaveastain

 

Any bets this kid’s name is something of the type: Percival Higginsbottom IV? This entire experiment was inspired by the most tragic moment of his young life…The terrible Saturday afternoon when the butler spilled Grey Poupon on his blazer during high tea. He has a friend from the same school in the expanded set of pictures as well…

 

 

 whatsmydogs

How did someone not tell this kid about the gaping hole in his “experiment?” Stay tuned for his sequel next year: What is Marlee Matlin’s favorite piano concerto?

 

 

 footfetish

Sorry Teach, but I think you should have maybe steered this kid in another direction? Unless junior high has changed a lot since I was there (and the new Degrassi tells me otherwise) this poor girl is probably going to be known by a nickname such as Toe-Licker until she escapes to a college on the other side of the country

 

 

 crystalmeth

These two ladies are trying to clear up some misconceptions about methamphetamines. Sure they may be addictive, horribly unhealthy drugs that are eating up people across the world… but they’re not all bad. Now that Mom cooks up meth in our basement, she doesn’t have to whore herself out to support her coke addiction. Crystal Meth, friend of children everywhere (at least until the lab cooks off and roasts everyone alive.)

 

 whosyourdaddy1

 

On a related “my mom’s is a less than chaste woman” note, little Veronica’s desperate quest takes her science project onto some decidedly creepy ground. I can’t decide if the hearts a desperate attempt to prove she’s really ok about it, or just a cry for attention.

 

 

 

plantsandpop

Taking the lead in the “Neither of my parents give a rats ass about me and I started this project last night” category is Butch with his scientific investigation of the effects of Mountain Dew on house plants as presented on what looks like foolscap. It’s been done kid, hell it was a major plot point in Idiocracy… a movie I suggest you watch for potential career path options.

 

 

Check out another set here at photobasement.com

Is it geekier that Bill Amend wrote this strip… or that I spent 5 minutes laughing at it?

Foxtrot Feb 8 2009
Foxtrot Feb 8 2009