The Bulldogs are Cheating

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The return of Three Quick Hits

24 July 2010
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Categories: Things Toast cares about..., Three Quick Hits

community

First off, word on the street is that the upcoming release of Community Season One on DVD will include a short comic book featuring the exploits of in world B-Movie hero Kick-Puncher (the hero whose punches have the powers of kicks) that will also feature scantily clad comic heroines based on certain leading ladies. Sadly this comes after rumours that we won’t be getting a blu-ray edition. Come on NBC, some of us don’t want to add any more DVDs to our shelves but still want to support what has quickly become a fantastic show. If you haven’t given it a shot, or didn’t tune back in after the shaky pilot Community was arguably the best new show last year and has quickly become a personal favorite. If you’re male and on the fence, do a youtube search for “Community Annie Pottery scene” and be won over quickly…

Second is a fantastic blog I discovered a while back and have since linked on the sidebar, but it deserves special mention. Allie is a bit of an odd duck, not unlike myself, and her blog is a hilarious collection of personal stories held together with simple but very effective mspaint art.  trust me, you will enjoy her often very personal but always hilarious tales of her childhood and ongoing struggle to become an adult. If you’re like me you’ll also read her backlog and quickly begin to wonder how exactly she’s still among the living. Check her out at Hyperbole and a Half.responsibility7.

and lastly…

Darth Vader robs a bank…

hat tip to the AVclub…

The trade show of the gods…

25 May 2009
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Categories: Food

I’m a huge fan of The Onion’s AVClub site. One might even call me a die-hard fan. Yet sometimes I hate their living, breathing guts.

Once a year the writers take a break from practicing blood rites to whatever dark god has given them their dream jobs. This much needed break from the drudgery of watching movies,  listening to new albums and playing rock band gives them a chance to visit the All Candy Expo, held annually in Chicago. Yes, the All Candy Expo is exactly what it sounds like: Willy Wonka meets convention center. Candy Manufacturers from all over converge and hawk their products. The big boys like M&M/Mars and Hershey push new products and new flavours of old products, while small time folks try to become the “next big thing” for buyers from all over the world. Luckily they let journalists in too, as the loot attests:

candyspread

Check out the report here, and feel the fires of jealousy burn.

My instrument

26 March 2009
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Categories: Things Toast cares about...

Last week was South by Southwest time again, reminding me again that I wish I had more time to seek out cool/weird new music. Not to mention a few grand for travel, accommodations and a platinum badge, plus a few more for show access bribes… Thanks to the crew over at the AVclub and Decider I’ve been able to live vicariously through their reporters.

Now I’m a former band geek, I played Trombone and loved it. I still love it, and I wish I could find a band to play in.  Sadly, it’s just that most of the bands in my hometown that I could play in with the amount of free time that I generally have all seem to meet early Saturday mornings… and that dog won’t hunt Monsignor!

This week during some of the SXSW wrapups I was introduced to a bunch of great new bands as well as bands that were simply new to me. I also got one extremely unexpected musical introduction, the glorious band known as Futomomo Satisfaction. They can be summed up as:  Japanese women in bikinis play Trombone and sing. I really don’t feel that I need to elaborate more, so please. Enjoy:

People with zero chance of becoming Nobel laureates

25 March 2009
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Categories: Meanwhile... at stately Wayne Manor.

This is absolutely one of my favorite things that have been sent to me in a while, a set of 41 terrible science projects. I’m sure a good chunk of these are fake or shopped, but some are all too real. Honestly, you have to pity the elementary school/junior high science teachers. Who doesn’t remember the kids who really didn’t try, or better yet who tried but chose the most ridiculous subjects imaginable. Here are a few absolute all-star projects. Children are our future, and we should all be absolutely terrified.

 

leaveastain

 

Any bets this kid’s name is something of the type: Percival Higginsbottom IV? This entire experiment was inspired by the most tragic moment of his young life…The terrible Saturday afternoon when the butler spilled Grey Poupon on his blazer during high tea. He has a friend from the same school in the expanded set of pictures as well…

 

 

 whatsmydogs

How did someone not tell this kid about the gaping hole in his “experiment?” Stay tuned for his sequel next year: What is Marlee Matlin’s favorite piano concerto?

 

 

 footfetish

Sorry Teach, but I think you should have maybe steered this kid in another direction? Unless junior high has changed a lot since I was there (and the new Degrassi tells me otherwise) this poor girl is probably going to be known by a nickname such as Toe-Licker until she escapes to a college on the other side of the country

 

 

 crystalmeth

These two ladies are trying to clear up some misconceptions about methamphetamines. Sure they may be addictive, horribly unhealthy drugs that are eating up people across the world… but they’re not all bad. Now that Mom cooks up meth in our basement, she doesn’t have to whore herself out to support her coke addiction. Crystal Meth, friend of children everywhere (at least until the lab cooks off and roasts everyone alive.)

 

 whosyourdaddy1

 

On a related “my mom’s is a less than chaste woman” note, little Veronica’s desperate quest takes her science project onto some decidedly creepy ground. I can’t decide if the hearts a desperate attempt to prove she’s really ok about it, or just a cry for attention.

 

 

 

plantsandpop

Taking the lead in the “Neither of my parents give a rats ass about me and I started this project last night” category is Butch with his scientific investigation of the effects of Mountain Dew on house plants as presented on what looks like foolscap. It’s been done kid, hell it was a major plot point in Idiocracy… a movie I suggest you watch for potential career path options.

 

 

Check out another set here at photobasement.com

Don’t you put it in your mouth

26 June 2008
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Categories: Meanwhile... at stately Wayne Manor.

Real… Ick!

What canadian kid of recent generations can forget this classic video. To this day all I have do is sing “Don’t you put in your mouth” at a gathering of friends and at least a couple people will join in with the entire first verse. The hilarious WTF nature of the puppets always made it a favorite too.

The mentalfloss blog had an entry today about creepy kids TV and that video was on it. I never really got a downright creepy vibe from it though on second glance the face of the girl puppet is downright demonic mid closeup.

I can’t say that I see the this clip as anything but scarring for little kids. I love the works of the late great Samuel Clemens more than I can say, but man the combination of what is already a bit out there of a story with some skin crawlingly creepy claymation produces what I could only call guaranteed nightmare fodder for those under 10. Hell, I found it creepier than 99% of the “horror” schlock hollywood puts out these days. This episode of the adventures of Mark Twain was apparently banned from TV after one showing.

Saaattttaaannn…

Oddly enough I haven’t actually read the story in question… but yikes!

The rest of the videos don’t quite reach that level though the pure comedy factor of the following necessitate a link.

From The New Zoo Revue (which by itself sounds like a goat-happy alternative lifestyle magazine) we learn about sex!

70’s Hair

And one that’s apparently from a PBS show called “Many Voices, Many Visions” that, while obviously heavily edited and probably missing a ton of context, is still pretty cringe-worthy.

Little Black Boy

Thanks to Ransom Riggs over at Mentalfloss for making my morning… Check out their site!

A pocket full of sky…

23 June 2008
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Categories: Travel, Writing

saltflats.jpg

Some of you may remember the video that’s been floating around the internet forever of the guy dancing in random places around the world. His name is Matt and he’s actually just released a new one (available on youtube or via his site.) For most internet videos the story would end there but in browsing his site I’ve been enjoying his travel journal.

From his earlier trips running cheap across Asia to his ascent up Kilimanjaro and even in his more recent journeys sponsored by Stride Gum his travel stories evoke vivid images of far off landscapes. Most of us won’t get to dance with penguins in Antartica or with the Moai on Easter Island and it’s nice to get to live vicariously through those get to see these awesome places. Matt firmly denies that his dancing videos had any purpose or message other than being silly in the first place but one can easily find several. Yet despite these claims I’d argue that his message has become a mantra about the importance of not only living vicariously, to get out and travel more. He quite consistently brings up the fact that young people elsewhere around the world constantly get out and travel yet he’s always receiving emails from Americans asking how he did it. I’d throw Canadians into that mix as well though I think in general we’re slightly better about leaving our home territory (though generally staying within Canada or the NAFTA area.)

And so, what apparently started as a site to keep family and friends apprised of his current location on his first trip years ago now comes across as something more. It’s a blog that follows his sweet new gig as a globe-trotting gum-endorsed “bad dancer” but also a springboard for people to see these beautiful images and great stories and hopefully say… “Man I’ve got to get off my ass and see the world.”

Learning about other people and places should be on everyone’s to do list. I won’t get into the whole one world one love hippy bandwagon but I do firmly believe that the more experiences you collect the richer life you’ll lead. Unfortunately I haven’t gotten to travel as much as I want to but a decent backpacking trip is on my radar for post-graduation. Step one is a tour of Cornwall this summer with some time in London as well.

In any case, there’s absolutely no excuse for having never left your home province or state. At the very least buy a cheap tent and a sleeping bag and spend a week driving in a random direction with a AAA guidebook of campgrounds.

I wholeheartedly encourage you to check out wherethehellismatt.com and start from some of his older trips and follow his journeys. Try as I might I doubt I’ll ever swim with whale sharks in the Seychelles but I really enjoyed reading and seeing the pictures.
I leave you with another picture of one of my favorite moments of his trips: The salt flats near Uyuni, Bolivia.

saltflats2.jpg

Apologies for any site wonkyness, had to rebuild it right before leaving.

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