The ABC’s of Creepy

On the off chance that you needed further proof that Michael Jackson is creepy beyond all get out, here are several selections from a recent auction of property from his Neverland ranch near Santa Barbara California.

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“I am the Lord thy Michael and thou shalt not have other gods besides me…”

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Bubbles looks like he’s scared of Orbiter number 4 on the left.  Hopefully he didn’t pee or MJ’s armor will rust.

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Words escape me on this one, I’ll simply state that individual close ups make it even more terrifying, including the absolute worst:

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Ungodly creepy… even Tiny Tim loves Michael.

R.I.P. Bea Arthur

Anyone who was around in the 80’s knew the Golden Girls, and like many Canadians around my age I probably saw every episode. The show’s syndicated run in Canada was one of the few things on after school that was for a bit more adult of an audience (these being the ancient days when basic cable was under 20 channels.)

 

Looking back I have a lot of fond memories of the show and of the four actresses in the lead roles. Much comedy was wrung from naïve Rose, man-crazy Blanche and irascible Sophia, but Bea Arthur’s Dorothy was the character that held the show together. Without Dorothy the show could easily have degenerated into one dimensional sillyness. Arthur was the consummate straight-woman and a gifted comedienne who had that all too rare ability to make the switch to pathos without it feeling totally contrived. (For a counter example see: Allen, Tim)

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It wasn’t until later in life that I saw any of her earlier series Maude on classic tv channels, but it was instantly clear that she brought the same skills to that role as well. I’m still amazed that they were able to have that frank of a discussion on abortion on network TV in that era. She was definitely a trailblazer for strong female characters on television (something we’re still not exactly swimming in.)

 

The post Golden Girls/Palace careers of the 4 women are rather varied…

 

Rue McClanahan seems to have taken minor parts in every crappy tv series and direct to video feature she could get. (Though I must say I enjoyed her as the blind biology teacher in Starship Troopers)

 

Estelle Getty died several years ago after developing a degenerative mental illness, but before that she did the terrible but  oddly funny Stallone movie “Stop or my Mom will Shoot” and had a few other minor roles including a voice part in Duckman.

 

Betty White continues to be a perennial scene stealer. The foul mouthed granny egging on the giant gator in Lake Placid is a favorite as was her turn on Boston Legal and a recent guest star appearance on My Name is Earl as the witch lady. Her upcoming role in the new Sandra Bullock movie looks to be the only watchable thing in that inevitable crapfest. Her recent appearances on the new Pyramid show demonstrate that she’s as sharp as ever (ditto her great roast of Shatner).

 

Bea’s post GG career was a little more laid back, sticking to a few roles and some stage work. The highlight for me of course is her absolutely inspired turn as the fem-bot impersonating a fem-puter on the Futurama episode: Amazon Women in the Mood. Her voice acting is fantastic and based on the commentary the Futurama crew obviously loved her. The most recent thing I remember her from is a perfect example of her deadpan humour, sadly the AVclub beat me to the punch on this one but it really is perfect:

 

 

Farewell Cook County General

 

er

In 1994 I was a geeky 10th grader making his way through high school and trying to decide what to do with his life. I was on the verge of making some serious mistakes regarding romantic entanglements that would haunt the next 5-10 years of my life, I was coasting through school without having to make much of an effort and I was discovering the person that I would become. And on September 19, 1994 a TV series premiered that would influence my life for the next 10 years… that series was ER.

 

More after the break…

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Do not touch the rabbit, the rabbit is hot!

Just in time for Easter… 

 

Entertaining and yet mildly creepy (at least to my eyes) but I wonder why he didn’t do the most obviously hilarious method: Bunny on a hotplate!

The word “unnecessary” springs to mind… as does the word “shite”

 

So I went to see I love you, Man last week. (funny enough movie, Jason Segel and Paul Rudd lovable and hilarious as always) Before the film I was hit with the preview for the latest Wayans Bros. movie…

 

If you haven’t had the pleasure, let me introduce you to the concept of “Dance Flick.” The Wayans Brothers (including new generation member Damon Jr.) have decided to do an incredibly timely spoof of dancing movies. Note also that it is Flick rather than Movie… lest they be confused with Friedberg and Seltzer and their Epic, Date, Teen etc movies.

 

From IMDB:

Street dancer Thomas Uncles is from the wrong side of the tracks, but his bond with the beautiful Megan White might help the duo realize their dreams as the enter in the mother of all dance battles

 

Sound familiar?

 

Yes, that’s right we’re getting a parody of Save the Last Dance, a movie released almost a decade ago, talk about timely. From what I saw in the preview I’d also say there’s some elements of Center Stage (2000) and other fantastic films. Thank you Senors Wayans, let’s hope you reach the heights of comedy you hit in “Little Man.”

My instrument

Last week was South by Southwest time again, reminding me again that I wish I had more time to seek out cool/weird new music. Not to mention a few grand for travel, accommodations and a platinum badge, plus a few more for show access bribes… Thanks to the crew over at the AVclub and Decider I’ve been able to live vicariously through their reporters.

Now I’m a former band geek, I played Trombone and loved it. I still love it, and I wish I could find a band to play in.  Sadly, it’s just that most of the bands in my hometown that I could play in with the amount of free time that I generally have all seem to meet early Saturday mornings… and that dog won’t hunt Monsignor!

This week during some of the SXSW wrapups I was introduced to a bunch of great new bands as well as bands that were simply new to me. I also got one extremely unexpected musical introduction, the glorious band known as Futomomo Satisfaction. They can be summed up as:  Japanese women in bikinis play Trombone and sing. I really don’t feel that I need to elaborate more, so please. Enjoy:

People with zero chance of becoming Nobel laureates

This is absolutely one of my favorite things that have been sent to me in a while, a set of 41 terrible science projects. I’m sure a good chunk of these are fake or shopped, but some are all too real. Honestly, you have to pity the elementary school/junior high science teachers. Who doesn’t remember the kids who really didn’t try, or better yet who tried but chose the most ridiculous subjects imaginable. Here are a few absolute all-star projects. Children are our future, and we should all be absolutely terrified.

 

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Any bets this kid’s name is something of the type: Percival Higginsbottom IV? This entire experiment was inspired by the most tragic moment of his young life…The terrible Saturday afternoon when the butler spilled Grey Poupon on his blazer during high tea. He has a friend from the same school in the expanded set of pictures as well…

 

 

 whatsmydogs

How did someone not tell this kid about the gaping hole in his “experiment?” Stay tuned for his sequel next year: What is Marlee Matlin’s favorite piano concerto?

 

 

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Sorry Teach, but I think you should have maybe steered this kid in another direction? Unless junior high has changed a lot since I was there (and the new Degrassi tells me otherwise) this poor girl is probably going to be known by a nickname such as Toe-Licker until she escapes to a college on the other side of the country

 

 

 crystalmeth

These two ladies are trying to clear up some misconceptions about methamphetamines. Sure they may be addictive, horribly unhealthy drugs that are eating up people across the world… but they’re not all bad. Now that Mom cooks up meth in our basement, she doesn’t have to whore herself out to support her coke addiction. Crystal Meth, friend of children everywhere (at least until the lab cooks off and roasts everyone alive.)

 

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On a related “my mom’s is a less than chaste woman” note, little Veronica’s desperate quest takes her science project onto some decidedly creepy ground. I can’t decide if the hearts a desperate attempt to prove she’s really ok about it, or just a cry for attention.

 

 

 

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Taking the lead in the “Neither of my parents give a rats ass about me and I started this project last night” category is Butch with his scientific investigation of the effects of Mountain Dew on house plants as presented on what looks like foolscap. It’s been done kid, hell it was a major plot point in Idiocracy… a movie I suggest you watch for potential career path options.

 

 

Check out another set here at photobasement.com